The first book in my trilogy, The Name and the Key, is currently in the hands of beta readers, and I’m not going to lie, I’m a bit anxious about it. Normally I use 3-5 readers per book, but due to a lack of funds and time, I’m using just two. The manuscript was sent off to one reader at the end of October, and the other one just a few days ago. Both beta readers are to get back to me by December 1, because my manuscript is due to my editor at Oliver Heber Books by the end of that month and I will need to rewrite and revise as quickly as possible.

The reason why I like using more beta readers is because I get more rounded-out feedback. Every opinion is different (which can sometimes be annoying when you’re trying to figure out what to follow and what to change), but if there are consistencies among those opinions, that usually indicates an issue that needs to be addressed. It could also, depending on the feedback, mean you’re doing something right!

With a deadline looming over my head, I wrapped The Name and the Key really fast. I had disabled spelling and grammar check while writing because Word just kept marking things up incorrectly, and that helped speed up the process. When the time came to get ready to submit to my beta readers, I turned the spelling and grammar check back on for a quick proofread, then downloaded the whole manuscript on my Kindle to read. The draft really wasn’t that messy! There were some weak spots that I told the beta readers about, but overall I was pretty pleased with the work and it felt complete to me. But here are my concerns:

• Does this book seem romantic enough to qualify as romantasy?
• Is the book too short?
• The scenes between Lily and the demon Aineiron don’t sit right with me, especially with the magic. Any advice?

I was talking to one of my beta readers (and fellow author) Jay and confessed I was afraid that the beta readers wouldn’t like the book. Jay said something along the lines of, “The point is not to like it; it’s to help you shape it into the best it can be.” That was a bit of a reality check.

I think I have some trauma left over from the beta reading experiences with Son of the Siren. I wrapped my first draft and thought it was incredible. My developmental editor had positive things to say and thought it was ready to publish. The beta readers from Independent Book Review had a totally different experience with it. There were a lot of problems. Some of what they wrote upset me. A lot of what they said contradicted each other. They all gave it a star rating that I thought was too low for the book. So…I rewrote it.

One of the biggest issues with Son of the Siren is the Queen and Lirien’s relationship. One of the IBR readers thought I wrote it for titillating purposes and questioned why it was even in the book, which really shook me to my core. I rewrote the second draft of Son of the Siren making the Queen even more in control of her behavior and more evil than before, and…it just didn’t sit right with me. So, I hired two more beta readers, alumni authors from my graduate school, and waited for their feedback on the second draft.

Despite massive changes I made, the same thing happened as before: star ratings that were lower than I thought the book should earn; wildly conflicting advice; and tons of things to work on.

I was really unhappy at that point because even though all 5 beta readers gave me solid observations, they were all different. The romance was too fast or too slow. The pacing was too fast or too slow. The worldbuilding was info-dumpy, or there wasn’t enough worldbuilding. You get the idea. I thought my brain would explode.

…Which taught me a very valuable lesson:

You cannot please everybody, so you might as well just write what you want.

The third draft of Son of the Siren had massive changes to it, too, but when I was done rewriting and revising, I felt really good about the manuscript. Instead of blowing more money on more beta readers to essentially validate my feelings or possibly drive me insane, I just decided I did the best I could. I submitted it to agents, and I nabbed one within three months of querying. Not long after that, the book was under contract with Oliver Heber Books.

I don’t know if going with only two beta readers this time around will help or hurt. They could have wildly different opinions about The Name and the Key and have no consensus on any part of the book. I just know that for financial purposes, I can’t hire beta readers anymore until it’s time for The Step and the Walk to be looked at. I’m not sure when that will be, but hopefully I will have more of an income by then (the $450 I spent on beta reading for The Name and the Key killed me).

When it comes to writing and publishing, waiting has always been the hardest part for me. My beta readers just have 20 days left to complete 66,000 words and provide feedback. That’s not actually that much time, so I should be able to calm down and remain patient, but I can’t help but be a little afraid.

This is the first time I’ve written on a deadline since graduate school, although graduate school gave me three years to write my thesis. We’re aiming for more frequent releases for each book in the trilogy, so writing the books will take months, not years. I wonder if I’ve rushed things. I wonder if I left things out. The book feels good, but what if I get a nasty surprise where my beta readers find 900 things wrong with it?

I have a bad habit of putting the cart before the horse. It’s one of my character flaws, whee. But I thought I’d share my feelings here on my blog to see if any of my fellow writers have remotely felt the same way about their own work. Writing is a lonely profession and yet at the same time, it’s not. If you understand how I’m feeling, feel free to leave a comment, and thanks for reading!