As I wrote in my romantasy post, I got feedback from all the beta readers by the deadline, and I’m reading (and processing) them today. And I’ve learned another lesson from my readers: …maybe I need to work a little harder on my first-person POV.

When I wrote The Name and the Key as my graduate thesis back in 2013, I chose to write in first person. Believe it or not, at one point my mentor (I won’t mention which one) actually suggested I try switching to third person, but I soundly ignored him. The book always felt natural to me with first-person narration, and I thought it was easy to write.

As I’ve reconstructed The Name and the Key into a new trilogy, I decided to keep writing in first person. Part of this is because the trilogy is going to be YA and romantasy, and first person is popular with both. My publisher, Oliver Heber Books, releases studies and research about popular, selling genres to their authors so we can stay in the know, and they also confirmed the power of the first-person POV.

I was so happy to hear this because I’m going to write my trilogy entirely in first person, with some switching back and forth between characters:

• The Name and the Key – Lily’s POV
• The Step and the Walk – Andresh’s POV
• The Fear and the Flame – Lily’s POV

Because I’m so familiar with first-person writing, I didn’t really expect my beta readers to find issues with it. In this case, with Lily. The overall verdict was that she wasn’t introspective enough or an active character, and time wasn’t spent allowing her to react to, or contemplate, things.

To be honest, I thought writing in first person would nip these issues in the bud. Because the narration is in Lily’s voice, I thought readers would have the introspection required because they are inside her head. However, in my draft, she’s clearly not thinking about things enough and is usually only reacting to them.

This made me want to research common issues with writing in first person. There are a lot of articles out there discussing why first person can be challenging, common mistakes that are made writing it, and more. Let me share some with you.

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The Peril and Promise of Writing in First-Person POV by Amy L. Bernstein

[…] some of today’s best writers gravitate toward first-person because, as Anne Tyler says, “It can reveal more of the character’s self-delusions” than, say, third person.

But to effectively execute this elevated brand of first-person narrative, writers must navigate a complex set of rules and avoid any number of pitfalls that will turn a novel into a flat, dull expanse of prose. I suggest that first-person POV is the most misunderstood and also the most difficult voice to master.

Realistically, I’m probably misunderstanding it and underestimating it.

Let’s take a look at what Bernstein mentions to be the rules of writing in first person:

Rule #1: Constraint
The moment you elect first-person POV, you relinquish the option to tap into an omniscient narrator who knows all, sees all, and can travel at will through time and space, or walk through walls, when called for. […] The narrator can only process information the way we do in the real world: through her senses.

[…]

Rule #2: Complexity
A first-person narrator can lie to himself and everyone around him, but an attentive reader will always know, or have a good guess, about what’s really going on. […] The writer needs to be true to the narrator’s voice and situation while remaining aware of the reader’s craving for moral and emotional ambiguity and conflict.

[…]

Rule #3: Development
First-person narrators should undergo change just as their third-person counterparts do. The “I” voice in your story is, by definition, unalterably anchored to one person but that doesn’t mean its essence is fixed from first page to last. To the extent that we get to know this person intimately, to love them or hate them, or even find them unknowable, the narrator still needs to embark on a psychological journey. The self-referential “I” is a constant, but the character’s motives and degrees of self-awareness should fluctuate.

Bernstein also illustrates the issues you can run into while writing in first-person, which I will briefly list:

• Overuse or overreliance on the word “I”
• Having a boring narrator
• Over-limiting what the character knows or does
• Confusing the narrator’s voice with the author’s voice

I think, based on reader feedback, I’m guilty of over-limiting Lily’s knowledge and behavior. Bernstein laments, “This is so damn tricky. One head, one heart. Everyone else is unknowable and your narrator can’t, in fact, see through walls, so how is she to know a murder’s taking place in the next room?” Lily is left out of a lot of information–deep down she really doesn’t know anything about Andresh or the magic that he uses, or the terrible situation he’s in. It’s up to Andresh to explain it, but…at lot of times, Andresh doesn’t want to. He conveniently omits things. Bernstein’s suggestion to fix this is to “let your character get out and about.”

The Marathon of “I”: Challenges of First-person Narration in Long Novels by Mespery

Well, the good news is that The Name and the Key is not by any means a long novel. But I think Mespery’s article is still helpful because they point out three issues first-person writers can run into.

[…] when a novel is written entirely from an “I” perspective, the reader’s experience is confined to what the protagonist sees, hears, and feels. This restriction makes it impossible to describe events or scenes where the protagonist is not present.

[…] In first-person works, the author’s attention and emotions can become too focused on a single perspective. This often results in a lack of momentum in the plot and underdeveloped supporting characters. […] When the entire narrative is seen through one perspective, developing rich, varied characters and maintaining an engaging, dynamic plot becomes challenging.

[…] When readers identify with the “I” character, they may find it emotionally taxing to experience the protagonist’s crises directly. As a result, authors might be tempted to make the protagonist’s journey too smooth, potentially leading to a predictable and tension-lacking story. Writers need to be aware of this issue and find ways to maintain a balance between reader empathy and dramatic tension.

A lot of notes wanted me to explain Andresh and his demon Isabelle’s relationship more…but…Lily wasn’t there with them when their pact was made, and Andresh doesn’t tell her anything. So, there’s a lot of things readers just aren’t going to know in The Name and the Key. They’ll get answers in The Step and the Walk, where Andresh’s diary is full of confessions. The question is, is Andresh a reliable narrator?

But after reading my notes from my beta readers, it looks like I have to dangle the carrot a bit more and share more things that Lily doesn’t know…which means I need to make Lily more active so she can learn of them.

Writing In First Person: 4 Common Pitfalls and How To Avoid Them by Nanci Panuccio

Panuccio’s got it narrowed down to some good ones:

• Too much introspection, where thought and action are imbalanced
• Forgetting to acknowledge the scene/physical setting to help ground the reader
• Info-dumping by the narrator
• More telling than showing, where sensory details and letting the scene evoke character emotions go by the wayside

I am missing introspection according to my beta readers; I’m not having issues with info-dumping but with not providing enough information; and lastly, I’m definitely telling more than I am showing. I think this in particular might be the reason why Lily is being perceived as a passive, reactive character (instead of proactive).

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Yeah…I’ve got like 26 days to fix this book so it is suitable enough for my editor from OHB to dip her hands in it. I want to make as little work for her as possible, and turn something in that’s strong. My top two priorities are increasing the romance and fixing Lily’s narrative and passivity. These happen to be the more challenging revisions needed. Whew!